Why do I feel I should have a disclaimer here before I even begin this post?
I want to stress that I’m NOT a baby, toddler, or child hater. I like kids, but I don’t love them.
Let me start off by saying I just entered the 30s zone last year. The months leading up to my birthday I started to constantly analyze my life. Where am I going? What am I doing? What have I done with my life so far? I felt so behind compared to people who were already successful in their careers, married, had a house and the kids. And so on. I’ve been told I still have time. I’m still young. I wouldn’t call myself young anymore. Maybe more “young-ish”.
But do you? Do you really have time left?
With regards to children, especially if you are a female in your 30s, it may not seem that way. My mom had me in her early 30s and had my sister in her late 30s and we both turned out fine. At least I did. 😉 But the HUGE difference between my mom and I is that: She WANTED to have children and was sure about it.
As of right now, right this very moment, I do not want children. Some of the big reasons are that I’m still in the early stages of my career, I just bought a house and I LOVE being independent, having fun and doing whatever I want without anything slowing me down. I appreciate having what little sleep I get, having my “me” time, and going on vacations that are not Disney World or Great Wolf Lodge (Family friendly water park/hotel in Niagara Falls, ON, Canada). I am not ready to take on a dramatic life changing/bank account changing experience. Colleagues at work told me they could picture me as a mother and one even thought I would make a great mother. I thought about it and was dumbfounded. REALLY?!?! ME?!??!
Another reason why I do not want kids is that I do not think I would make a great parent. I see mothers talking the baby talk and other women talking the baby talk. They just know how to hold them. If I was to hold a baby right now, I would be freaked out about supporting the head and would immediately give it back to the mother. I don’t feel that maternal instinct. I don’t feel the need to nurture. Now I will hang my head in shame. I would be so busy with everything on the go, I wouldn’t be able to give my kid or kids enough quality time. I don’t want to do a priority shift.
A few people I know have pets and they treat them as their children. I used to have this strong desire to want to have a cat. When I lived in an apartment I kept on telling the bf, we’ll get a cat when we get a house. I looked at profiles of cats and kittens in the animal shelter and just wanted to adopt all of them. I don’t know what happened, but now I feel so busy with my life, I wouldn’t even want to make time to care for a pet! (Still hanging my head in shame).
So you get why I don’t want kids. Now that my parents are retired and considered seniors, it got me thinking. While they are still healthy and having the time of their life going out and hanging out with friends, there will come a time when they won’t be as healthy. They will need to be looked after by myself, a caregiver or even a retirement home. If one passes before the other, one will be lonely and need company, which of course I would be more than happy to spend more time with them.
I only want kids to have someone to take care of me and to have some company when I’m older.
There you go. I want to skip all the raising and providing for them and want them to be grown up instantly and self-sufficient. I want to be able to go to their houses during the holidays. I would even consider signing up for the “adopt a grandparent” program if I never ended up having kids.
Some people automatically think that having kids is the next step. That you’re supposed to. Although I wanted what a lot of other people had, kids were never really part of that big picture.
Before you scream: MONSTER and start waving your flaming pitchforks and getting ready to hunt me down, for those of you who have kids or want kids, what made/makes you want them? What was the turning point?