An interesting discovery I have encountered while reading comments on other blogs is that several of them have claimed to be introverts. When you think about it, it makes quite a lot of sense. As Pauline from Reach Financial Independence, replied to one of my comments about relating to her as a fellow introvert, “I guess it is easier for introverts to communicate behind a screen.” While many claim that the technology revolution has decreased the amount of face time, ie face to face interaction, at the same time perhaps it has made us appreciate the live connection made when one meets up with someone for a coffee or drink. To keep in line with the subject of this post, perhaps it has also enabled introverts to find a way to communicate effectively without fear of being judged and being criticized, seeing people’s expressions and reactions.
For as long as I can remember, I have always been a shy person. My parents constantly remind me that they often asked the kids if I could play with them because I was too afraid to ask them myself. I had a crush on a guy in high school for almost four years, but never had the guts to ask him out. Of course, it didn’t help either that he was also shy.
Although going away to university has made me open a little bit more, I still find myself feeling quite shy and awkward in certain social situations. Now the friends I have had many years would scoff at me from time to time would insist that I’m not shy. But then I point out to my university friends, the reason I became friends with them was that they started talking to me first. I was never one to approach people directly, even to this day. I am not comfortable approaching complete strangers or am able to build strong relationships right from the get go. This is probably one of the reasons why I was never very good at sales or at being a social butterfly.
With that being said, does being introverted or extroverted, determine what job is suited best for you to a certain extent? My first job out of university was working in the project management department for a pharmaceutical company. It involved a lot of interaction with the external client. I was not very good at making small talk and interacting with people I barely knew. Needless to say, it was not my cup of tea. I found jobs that didn’t require a lot of negotiation and socializing were more my cup of tea. At least I think they are for the time being. I know networking is critical in one’s career, but I feel I don’t know how. I don’t know the right questions to ask or the right people to talk to. Most of the jobs I have had, I have applied for on my own, without the help of a connection. Now I am by no means, bragging about it. Looking back at my two years of unstable employment, I wish that maybe if I had networked and had connections I may not have been in that temporary mess. Maybe I would have been a lot further in my career or in my life in general.
Who knows?
Ironically enough, in a couple of my relationships, including my current one, I have saved the guy grief and embarrassment, by doing the asking out myself. Why? I have no idea. I guess I felt that these guys were worth it to overcome my shyness (and indeed they were), worth getting to know better before some other girl snatched them up. More irony would be the fact that I teach fitness classes. Members often find it hard to believe that I am a shy person and say I don’t seem like it when I’m on stage leading the class. I still get a little nervous from time to time, but I know it’s my responsibility to be that enthusiastic, energetic motivator to the people that need it.
I actually get really nervous going to social gatherings where I don’t know everyone. I suck at those meet ‘n’ greet things. I feel anxious and uncomfortable if I’m not in conversation and everyone else is. I never know which one to join when I’m in the middle of two at a dinner table. I just sit and listen. I’m not a big fan of icebreaker introductions where you have to talk about yourself.
This may sound awful, but aside from the fact I sometimes decline invitations to save money, the other reason is sometimes that I want to avoid being social. It’s especially nerve-wracking when I only know the host and no one else and have made the brave mistake of attending the function on my own. It’s always handy to have a wingman to talk to when everyone else knows each other and it doesn’t look as awkward. I envy the people who are naturally good at being social.
Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert? Do you think being shy holds you back in any way? Do you feel it can slow down your path to success?
I agree that being painfully shy can hold you back in certain professions. I would certainly consider myself an introvert. I do just fine with one on one, but if you put me in a group, I want to hide in the corner. I have worked very hard at learning to network. I joined a business group that required giving a small talk every week and a longer one every few months. It helped tremendously. I am still a bit shy though. I declined dinner with my sister in law last night because I didn’t want to hang out with her hockey team, where I know no one besides her. I guess you can’t completely change your stripes.
Sometimes I think I need to just bite the bullet and go to the social gatherings, because if I don’t go, I won’t get to know people better and feel more comfortable around them. Although sometimes its just easier to say no. 🙂 But then the cycle continues…
Oh hell yes! I’ve written about this a couple of times: http://nzmuse.com/2011/04/15/the-power-of-four-letters/ and http://nzmuse.com/2011/06/27/demystifying-the-introvert/
The interaction is definitely the most demanding part of the job for me. Luckily a lot of it is done via email or phone, but it’s the knuckling down and getting the writing/editing done part that I love.
I actually get pretty nervous sometimes when I know I have to deal with a difficult person. I try to avoid them if possible.
When there’s incentive to be more proactive and outgoing it’s easier for someone to be more enthusiastic. For example I might be an introvert like most pf bloggers, but if my job required me to become a team leader, then I’ll gladly step out of my comfort zone because that’s what I’m getting paid to do. My desire to do a good job outweighs my fear of being judged or criticized. But then after work I go back to being passive when I’m with friends or by myself 😀 Introverts aren’t anti-social. We’re just shy. I think being too passive does hold me back sometimes, but that’s something I’m working on 🙂
That’s great that you can become a team leader. I wish I could be that way as well. I think going away to university and teaching fitness classes helped me come less shy, but sometimes I go back to my natural nature. 🙂
My parents asked the kids to play with me too lol. Like you, I get very comfortable where people make me feel at ease, either because they are long time friends or they just have that skill that I lack, of making people like them instantly. Being like this doesn’t slow my success because I focus on things that I am good at, instead of being miserable at a job not made for me. I am a good second, giving ideas and a different view of the world, not a leader. Everyone has a place, the thing is to be honest with who you are and how you can be the best version of yourself.
Love this comment! I like the idea of being a good second. Well said, Pauline!
I’ve been an introvert for as long as I can remember – but I have learned to push myself in situations that I find uncomfortable if I’ve got the right incentives to do so. Like Liquid said above – if I’m getting paid, it’s definitely an incentive to push past it – since I know I can recover by spending quiet time alone later.
For some reason, I feel I can only push myself physically, not always socially. Perhaps I need to find more opportunities where I can step outside of my comfort zone in that sense.
I’m introverted as well. It doesn’t surprise me that you can lead fitness classes because in a way it’s like a performance, and a lot of performers are actually very shy. I also feel awkward in meet and greet/networking type events. I feel it does hold me back somewhat. That’s why it makes sense I’m a video editor I guess as opposed to doing more producing, which involves a lot more client interaction.
I’ve also heard that about performers being very shy. They must hate interviews and meet ‘n’ greets as well!
I tend to be more introverted, but it depends on the situation. If it’s a small group setting then I tend to be more extroverted. I don’t think being introverted holds you back, as I think a lot of it comes down to being willing to step out of your comfort zone. People can be outgoing, but if they’re not willing to step out of their comfort zone then they can be held back just as much.
I have my random outgoing moments here and there. They actually created an award for me when I worked as a camp counsellor one summer in high school: “Suddenly Most Outgoing Award.” LOL.
I’m totally an introvert. Like you, I hate social gatherings where I don’t know many people. Starting new jobs is stressful for me too. I try to maximize the number of small group interactions that I have so that I get to know people better. Generally, once I become comfortable around people, its not a big deal.
Today, I brought some baking to work in an attempt to get some people talking with me. Unfortunately everyone here is appearantly a health nut…
I love baking! I totally would have chatted with you. 😀 Perhaps next time make healthier treats?
I am definitely not a social butterfly but am not always an introvert either. Your post actually describes me perfectly. I’m not good at sales, but I can stand in front of a class and teach a subject. If I go to a networking event where I don’t know anyone I force myself to speak to new people but often feel like I am the one not talking to anyone when everyone else is.
Job wise I think a lot of programmers are introverts. They can hide away and program all day long without having to speak with too many people.
I think that goes for working in the lab as well, which is something I did during my workplace terms for school. I just ran my experiments and asked for help when needed.
I love people, but I don’t enjoy being the center of attention very often. I am also excellent at reading other people. So, I’m good in a group that is functioning well, but I can also fade into the background.
Job-wise, I like to be around people, but not always working with them.
I’m definitely not a center of attention person. That also makes me nervous. Now I feel I’m giving off the impression I’m a very nervous, anti-social person. Lol. I find that because I’m more quiet and fade into the background, I can listen more to what people are saying and make a lot of observations about the people themselves.
There’s actually this test my sister made me do, I can’t remember the name of it, but I thought I would be an introvert, because I force myself to be social, I don’t generally like it but I make myself do it, and I’d much rather be home by myself most of the time really. But the test said I was introvert/extrovert, which is interesting because I’m the middle child and my older sister is an introvert and my younger sister is an extrovert. Anywho, it definitely makes sense that most bloggers are introverts, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. It just means you’ve got to make a bit more effort to be social and network than those who actually like to do that kind of stuff.
Often we’re shy because, down deep inside, we fell we don’t measure up to the loud outspoken types. Took me a long time to figure out THEY were so outgoing because they wanted to cover up THEIR feelings of inferiority. Weird!
Being shy and being an introvert are not the same thing. This is a common misconception. I am a full-fledged introvert, but I am not shy. Introversion/extroversion explain how you get energized, and coincidentally, what zaps your evergy. Intros like me recharge their batteries in solitude (reading, meeting one friend over coffee, working on one-person hobbies, etc). Large groups eventually zap their energy. Extros get their energy from people and socializing and lose their energy when it is too quiet. I love meeting new people, including groups of people, but being around groups for a certain amount of time and my energy plummets. One can be shy and introvert, but they are not mutually exclusive.
Susan Cain wrote an excellent book on the topic (Quiet, 2012)
http://ideas.time.com/2012/01/26/dont-call-introverted-children-shy/
Also, Jerome Kagan, Elaine Aron (and others) have researched this question quite a bit.
80% of the time am the consumate introvert. It hasn’t held me back in any way. Once I made that realization I have capitalized on it and attacked a career path and jobs that give me a competitive advantage as an introvert (think writer & small time bean counter!)
Social gatherings feel like a war zone to me.
The 20% extrovert, thats when am with very close friends and family – now those can never be convinced that am an intorvert 🙂