I’m not really sure if I just asked a loaded question there.
Since my younger sister got married before me, naturally friends and family have asked when my turn would be. I have scoffed at this question several times and replied, “Why would I want to spend that much money on ONE day? Everything is so OVERPRICED when it comes to weddings.” I have told my mom time and time again that I would prefer to have a civil wedding and possibly a reception at a small restaurant. I had even pondered the idea of eloping in Santorini. We would be married and not have to deal with all the drama and stress that comes along with planning a wedding. Sure, my parents and sister would probably be real upset with me at first but they would have gotten over it. Eventually.
I’m not exactly sure how this happened, why this happened or what caused me to change my mind but……..
I WANT TO GET MARRIED.
TRADITIONAL STYLE. A little bit less than the traditional style, meaning I don’t need a church.
WTF?!?!? Is probably what my close friends and my coworkers would say when I tell them. I have been repeating over and over again, it’s the same sh*t with weddings.
I can already picture them saying things such as “I knew it.” “I told you so.” “Hypocrite.”
I think I was a closet bride all along, but have been trying so hard to be all nonchalant about it. I really HATE talking about my feelings and things such as getting married. I wanted to make it seem like I didn’t care and didn’t want to put any pressure on him. I guess the pressure just built up and then exploded. Then we started talking about rings and things and how I didn’t need a ring. I didn’t want a ring. You don’t need a ring to be engaged. Why are guys dumb enough to spend 1-2 months salary on a ring? Engagement rings are just a gimmick pushed by DeBeers.
Check out the following video on engagement rings and how they’re considered a scam: (WARNING: contains inappropriate language and mature themes)
And yet I somehow became part of the masses in wanting a ring. Heck, I even automatically ask the bride- to-be to see the engagement ring. I couldn’t get the proposal because we had already had several discussions about marriage and agreed we were going to get married but weren’t sure when. I sort of proposed as a joke via BBM and it went something like this, “Hey want to get married on [insert 1st choice date] or [insert 2nd choice date].” The good news is he said YES!
I told my partner that I would tell people that I didn’t need a ring to get engaged. I would tell people that they were a waste of money and that the wedding bands were more meaningful. Neither of us are conventional or romantic, so I don’t need a ring.
He didn’t need to “PUT A RING ON IT”.
THEN I thought:
Would that make him look bad? Or look like he couldn’t afford one/was too cheap/a douchebag?
Us telling people we’ve decided to get married, therefore we are engaged, yet we have nothing to show as solid proof?
Would I get sick of telling people that I don’t need or want a ring when deep down I do?
I could only joke about wear a Ring Pop or onion ring (Simpsons Reference) or Ringolo for so long
How come in this day and age, the guy doesn’t get a proposal? I’m sure he would like a nice watch or a wallet.
We have started searching for rings. I think my eyeballs grew to the size of golf balls when I saw the prices on some of these rocks. Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but it seems like they’re a guy and his wallet’s worse nightmare. Silly as this may seem, but I even offered to pay for part of the ring. He flat out said NO and said he would be willing to spend several grand on it for a decent quality one.
Yikes. That’s like a down payment on a car.
I’m looking into a sapphire engagement ring for several reasons:
- It’s my birthstone
- My favourite colour is blue
- It takes care of “something blue” part to wear on your wedding day
- I could say it’s like a more budget friendly version of Kate Middleton’s engagement ring
- Might as well try to keep some of my unconventional style by not having a diamond
- Sapphires are considered to be rarer AND cheaper (woohoo!) than diamonds.
I suppose engagement rings are some sort of solid proof, if your word doesn’t seem enough. And I’m not going to lie, they were very pretty and I did enjoy trying them on. Guess I’m more girly than I thought. This whole process would be so much easier if I had gotten married in 1930.
And so the madness begins..sort of…
How do you feel about engagement rings? Yay or nay?
NZ Muse says
Meh. I think most are pretty generic and boring. I wanted a ruby (my birthstone) but wasn’t able to find any I liked. Wound up with an antique (T’s family heirloom) with three small diamonds. It eventually grew on me and I like it way more than any of the typical new diamond rings I see. It’s also on a practical level awesome because the way it’s designed there are no sharp edges for me to catch things on or scratch myself by mistake. Low profile all the way.
I didn’t even realize the one I liked was similar looking to Kate Middleton’s engagement ring. I’ve never really been a big fan of bling and all it’s sparkliness.
The fact that your engagement ring was a family heirloom makes it even more awesome!
Zee @ Work-To-Not-Work says
I’m fine with the idea of engagement rings, I would buy one if the occasion ever called for it. But I don’t agree with the astronomical prices of them.
One thing I had heard of and thought was really cool was there is a class where you can go and actually make your own ring. I thought that would be really neat. If it’s just a plain band but you actually forged it yourself, I think that would have a lot more meaning and romance behind it.
I’m not sure how much this class is to learn to make your own ring, but it’s got to be cheaper than the prices from regular jewelers.
That’s pretty cool. My partner is a DIY kind of guy, so making a ring would totally be up his alley!
I am a big fan of the “engagement house”. I think a ring would show the world how much he loves me but a house would show me how much he loved me! LOL For the amount of money a “nice” diamond costs you could put a down payment on a house. Plus I can’t live in my ring. 😉
High standards, yet practical. I like the way you think 😉
Come to think of it, he was the one who brought up living together and buying a house together. He also said I love you first. Lol.
I couldn’t believe that there were rings out there that costed $10k and up!!
1-2 months salary? Thank goodness for that because I thought it was like 3-6 months lol. As a guy I think there are better ways to spend money for a girl than buying her diamonds. But ironically I’ve actually been looking at buying a diamond for myself because coincidentally diamond is my birth stone 🙂 Plus I think it would make for a nice investment. And if I ever get married some day it could be my backup plan in case I don’t have the money at the time to buy my fiancé a new diamond ring.
Maybe for some people, 3-6 months is the standard, but even 1 -2 month’s salary is quite a bit in my opinion.
My partner has never bought me really nice flowers or jewelry. It’s mostly been gadgets. More practical things. Lol.
Ryan @ Impersonal Finance says
I think you need an engagement ring for people to treat you as engaged… but not to actually be engaged. My wife and I ended up eloping, because even though her dad was down for dropping $30k on a wedding, we didn’t want that, and we really didn’t want the stress involved with planning a wedding. We tried it for a while, and it wasn’t for us. While sometimes I think I missed out, I’m generally pretty content knowing we shared a day that was everything we wanted, and not everything someone else expected.
Part of me wants to elope, but then I think of my parents and his parents and also his grandparents. The part of me that wants the wedding is to make my parents and his parents happy. I know it’s mostly about the bride and groom, but I still think it’s about family to a certain extent. And I have a big family on my dad’s side.
They are a huge rip off. My husband’s against diamonds for the human rights issues that surround them, so I told him I’d be okay with like seven alternative gemstones. He ended up going with the diamond, though, because he really felt the pressure and judgement you touched upon. I love it, but would have loved an alternative like yours, too. DeBeers really pulled off that marketing campaign. Here we are almost a century later…
Although we haven’t told anyone yet, (only people in the pf blogosphere know), my partner is anticipating the questions and I guess so called excuses I would have to make as to why I don’t have an engagement ring. He hasn’t bought me any nice jewelry yet, so he figured now’s the time. He’s been looked at alternate resources instead of your typical jewelry retailer in order to get the best deal.
Emily @ Urban Departures says
Nice blog Karen! I have a soft side for female, Canadian bloggers (and from Toronto) with a love for traveling; they’re the coolest 😉 I don’t think you need an engagement ring to be engaged, but I got one. Both my husband and I are traditionalists, and we did the whole ring and proposal and then wedding thing. I don’t think engagement rings are a waste of money- granted, the ring is something you want, the cost is proportionate to income and not taking away from savings/debt-repayment.
Thanks for thinking I’m cool!! 🙂
You make a really good point with the last sentence in your comment. Aside from the “want” aspect, I don’t think the majority of the rest of the general public takes the other aspects into consideration.
I love sapphires too. A woman I used to work with had a beautiful set with a sapphire in the middle flaked by three diamonds in a triangle shape on each side and her wedding band was alternating sapphires and diamond. You should look into lab-made diamonds too.
The idea of a wedding band with alternating sapphires and diamonds sounds like a nice complement to the sapphire engagement ring.
I never even knew lab made diamonds and other gemstones existed until I started looking up engagement rings. I come from a science background so the idea of a lab made sapphire sounds pretty neat.